“Dear Santa….” – My Election Night Wish List For The TV Media

Dear Santa….

It’s been a long (very long) time since my last letter. I hope Mrs. Claus, the reindeers and the North Pole are all swell! How are you? I hope you still have that a great ‘ho-ho-ho’ in your voice and a bounce in your step. I know you get a sleigh full of letters every day… but I hope you get to read this one before Tuesday.

For about 18 months now, I’ve worked very hard at being good… good at being fair, good at being balanced and good about focusing on the real issues this season. You may think I mean the ‘holiday season’ but I’m actually talking about the election season. By the way, I hope you and Mrs. Claus remember to vote. That is, if you haven’t stood in line already. Is there a straw poll for the reindeers?

I’m writing early this year to ask for your help. Here are the 10 things on my Election Night wish list for the TV media…

10. Please help stop the madness before it begins. Cable news anchors are already tingling with excitement… and we’re still 72 hours away from Election Day. Don’t let them scream at me. Don’t let them talk about what’s most important to them. Please help them remember… it’s all about the viewers and the voters.

9. Can you help control the crowds? I don’t mean at the polling places. I mean on the TV news sets. CNN had 15 people on its main set after the last Presidential debate. C’mon, Santa. Does it really take that many people to tell me who won? You might want to swing by and pick up about half of them to help your elves finish making the toys for December. That might be a better use of some of their time.

8. Please help all the news people remember the quality that Tim Russert delivered for viewers. I don’t want to make you sad Santa. But, I really liked Tim. I hope you and Mrs. Claus got ‘Meet The Press’ at the North Pole. Tim’s whiteboard was classic on election night. Help someone else find a way to truly communicate what is important to us. Tim never strayed from the content. He didn’t let an ego, his stardom or his paycheck get in the way of that.

7. Can you make sure David Gregory has a great lunch Tuesday… and gives a good tip to the waitress before he begins anchoring MSNBC coverage? Over the last few years, he seemed like a really nice guy. But lately, either everyone is picking on him because he’s a rising star at NBC… or he really is stepping on everyone as he climbs the ladder. Either way, please make sure he tips his waitress at least 20%. It is a tough economy these days.

6. Can you help the folks at FOX News take a reality pill before election night coverage? I know they may not have time. I bet there’s a prayer service to keep a Republican in the White House. It may be a tough four years ahead for FOX if that doesn’t happen. They know they are the big kids on the cable news block. But, they don’t have to be the “big bullies on the block”. A little more modesty may help them transition… if liberals sing and dance down Pennsylvania Avenue Tuesday night.

5. Can you give Katie Couric a little more help on TV? She’s done a fine job online after the conventions and on debate nights. She’s even a hit on YouTube. But her ‘Evening News’ is still not doing so well in the ratings… even though it has some of the best content anywhere at 6:30pm. Thanks Santa for giving her a little more support. Do you have any pull over at Nielsen?

4. Will you help Chris Matthews form a coherent sentence… and look at the camera? I know he’s passionate for politics… and gets very excited. But if he stumbles and keeps looking off camera so much, I just can’t trust him. Maybe he’s just looking to see if there are any early polling numbers for the Pennsylvania Senate. But Tuesday night, please help him communicate clearly to all of us out in TV land.

3. Will you make Wolfe Blitzer stop saying “to our viewers here in the United States and around the world’ every two or three minutes? I know he’s just trying to do his job… but it is CNN. Ted Turner made it a worldwide news organization in the 1980’s. We know it already. By the way, have you ever seen Wolfe in a Santa suit? Maybe you and Wolfe could be the new Sara Palin and Tina Fey? I know it’s a stretch… but he is a bit of an unusual TV star, don’t you think?

2. Will you help ‘Saturday Night Live’ after the election? It was rough (very rough) for a few years. But the boys and girls over there have helped make the show more relevant now than possibly any time in its history. Please help them after Tuesday.

1 Finally…. no matter who wins, can you help us get a decision early? Someone has to win. There’s no need to stay up all night blabbering about “what if”. Please help us know early if the moving van leaves from Illinois or Arizona. I need some sleep for Wednesday.

Santa… I know I am asking for a lot. But please, I have been a good boy this year. If I can’t get everything on my wish list, I’ll take whatever you can fit in your sleigh Tuesday night! Say hello to Mrs. Claus… see you again in a few weeks. I promise some yummy cookies and milk under the tree on Christmas morning!

Your buddy,
Jeff

P.S.
Santa…
Are you SURE that you and Wolfe are not related? I swear I can see the family resemblance.

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